Hacker

To Be A Hacker Is To...

• think analytically about things you're usually not supposed to
• be able to sit down and reason a problem with innumerable technical details, while maintaining hope and inspiration
• break into things for the sake of breaking into them
• break into things not for the sake of not breaking into them
• take control of technology, strive to Ubermensch
• sleep odd hours
• lack the capacity for boredom
• see past the bullshit (and make up new bullshit)
• be weary of normal people
• dye your hair funny colors
• consider money part of a system you can optimize, instead of trying to optimize systems to make money (aka 'business as usual')
• make bad technical jokes
• accept that 'hacker' means very little, overrun by media hype and script kiddies, but aspire to the ideals anyway
• do consulting/contract work
• not work at all (ie a job)
• save helpless animals from experimentation labs
• fight in the war in iraq
• cover your ass by blaming others
• call tech support to ask where the any key is
• encrypt your most sensitive documents with ROT*13
• converge on the essence of being through dance
• learn calculus
• care more about showing off Cool Things than begging for a raise
• get a raise anyway
• realize the necessity of hackerspaces
• start a hackerspace
• drink too much caffeine
• size things up
• read xkcd
• always overstate, and understate your expertise
• not actually care that much about microsoft
• control the weather
• probably have some sort of surmountable neurological disorder
• listen to di.fm
• listen to kmfdm
• listen to <insert nerdcore artist here>
• listen to idle network traffic piped to /dev/dsp (eek! but how will i listen to my Miley Cyrus videos on youtube if PulseAudio can't monopolize access to /dev/dsp??!?!lolaolaol)
• sincerely appreciate novelty
• sincerely appreciate good design
• sincerely question legal identity
• try things beyond your skill level
• piss some people off sometimes
• acquire free technology wherever you can
• have no trouble finding women **IMPORTANT**
• steal monies from banks and ruin'd daconomy
• have the head of the illuminati on speed dial
• have the Cheshire Catalyst in your phonebook
• do things in your spare time
• have people ask you why you do things in your spare time
• enjoy working
• eat glass and shit smartphones
• the girls thing again
• eat, sleep, and breath computers
• be a part*time student, full*time, employee, and overtime geek
• have people ask you why you have so many computers or why you "need" so many computers
• have people tell you that you don't enjoy life because you sit in front of a computer all day
• do without thinking
• do things that make people say, "How did you DO that?".
• add to this document
• be dissatisfied with non-systemic answers